We all experience rejection either from our parents, family,peers or employees. When you’ve experienced a hard rejection in your past, you may start to believe on some deep level that you are unlovable or unworthy.
This is what cognitive therapists call a “core belief,” psychotherapist Erin Brandel Dykhuizen, says “Often when we have experienced a lot of rejection in childhood, we develop beliefs about not being worthy of love as a way to make sense of the fact that our parents, for example, who should have accepted us and shown us love, did not do so,”.
More often than not, people aren’t consciously aware that they have these beliefs. But if you take a close look at your behaviour, your thoughts, and your patterns in relationships, you may be able to trace those back to childhood
Developing more effective responses to rejection is an important life skill.These are few ways in which you can start –
- Self-confidence is key– Feeling of being worthless or useless that may have been ingrained since childhood gets carried over into adulthood and other relationships. Start small to build it back by simply making a list every day with at least two or three things you have done well, contributions you have made, or positive things you have done and review them before you go to bed each night and again when you get up the next morning.
- Change to positive self-talk. Notice what you say to yourself and choose to build yourself up, not tear yourself down. Start small by doing positive self talk while walking, taking bath or writing.
- Remember, this too shall pass – Time changes this tough time will pass mean while give yourself credit for your skills and accomplishments, and remind yourself of all those experiences when you made good progress, solved a problem or helped someone.
- Take a deep breath– Take a deep breath, step back from the situation, and just breathe for a few minutes and focus on present.
- Practice reframing –Many times a situation seems worse because you react and then “frame it” as a negative about you. Instead, Choose to reframe it. Instead of thinking, “No one will ever love me, I’m unlovable,” you could reframe by thinking, “Relationships are hard for everyone; I’m no different. This was hard for me but I can learn something from it. Let me focus on what I can learn.”
- Let it go – It’s okay to feel upset about rejection. After all, you are human and you have emotional responses. Let the emotions roll through you as you keep focusing on your breathing out. but don’t let them park and become long-term visitors.
- Reconnecting with those who love us, or reaching out to members of groups to which we feel strong affinity and who value and accept us.The fact that a large portion of human emotion is devoted to the maintenance of interpersonal connections points to the importance of acceptance and belonging in human affairs.
People are inherently motivated to be valued and accepted by other people, and many of the emotions that they experience reflect these fundamental interpersonal concerns.
Our mental health should be our priority and at the same time we must be supportive of other people battling with a similar condition.
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